The Jane Child One Hit Wonder Room

Well, it was very nice to have the day off, I must say...first of all. Second thing to mention on this November 12 day is the fact that once again, so much was learned and respected and prayed about. God continues to show the way through the heart of fellowship and understanding and while what I am about to write hasn't come easy for me to admit...I must get it out there, so that I can seek the lord more clearly without hiding from what I have been battling. The strange thing is, I honestly don't know how long I have truly been battling it, but I do know tonight....this week....well...recently...I have come to realize I do need to ask for help. Depressive disorders affect approximately 18.8 million American adults or about 9.5% of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year...and those are just the DIAGNOSED individuals. I don't know what particular timeframe of years are included in those figures, but what is more disturbing is the fact that most patients with depression have never been diagnosed, let alone treated. I took a self-diagnosis test on Web MD and didn't even get past the second question before I was told to "see a doctor"! LOL...I don't particularly put alot of merit into that simple instance, but there were alot of clues mentioned that I had to say "Yes" to...including: no longer interested in activities that you once enjoyed...a lack of focus(which has been so strange to me, because I KNOW I have a history, yet lately...it has been SO unmanagable)...Trouble making decisions(which I've had to say has been the most managable of these first three I have mentioned..yet I have noticed myself with friends and not stepping up to the plate for them and such)and the one that has been bothering me the most because I love them all so much...not enjoying BEING with my friends or doing any of the things I usually love to do.(which I guess goes in step mostly with the no longer interested in activities usually enjoyed)...the crazy part about that is the TERRIBLE LONELINESS I have needlessly felt so much! It all feels kinda stupid, but I guess that is the way it is, and now I am just gonna have to deal with it! I have truly fallen on my knees to the lord about it...I'll just ask for your prayers and support. I don't know what else to write...what else to say...just thank you, god...for creating me for a purpose to serve you...lord...please heal this loneliness....please give me strength...allow me to be strong through this, lord....god...I have tried so hard to be your servant....help me to cope...help me to heal...help me to deal...you are awesome, lord....