Sunday, September 13, 2009
"Trapped" Under Ice(forgiveness not given)
I don't know how to live trough this hell
Woken up, I'm still locked in this shell
Frozen soul, frozen down to the core
Break the ice, I can't take anymore
Freezing
Can't move at all
Screaming
They can't hear my call
I am dying to live
I Cry out
"I'm trapped under ice!"
Crystallized, as I lay here and rest
Eyes of glass stare directly at death
From deep sleep I have broken away
No one knows, no one hears what I say
and now from 1 Sam 16:14-23....
14 Now the Spirit of the Lord had left Saul, and the Lord sent a tormenting spirit[a] that filled him with depression and fear.
15 Some of Saul’s servants said to him, “A tormenting spirit from God is troubling you. 16 Let us find a good musician to play the harp whenever the tormenting spirit troubles you. He will play soothing music, and you will soon be well again.”
17 “All right,” Saul said. “Find me someone who plays well, and bring him here.”
18 One of the servants said to Saul, “One of Jesse’s sons from Bethlehem is a talented harp player. Not only that—he is a brave warrior, a man of war, and has good judgment. He is also a fine-looking young man, and the Lord is with him.”
19 So Saul sent messengers to Jesse to say, “Send me your son David, the shepherd.” 20 Jesse responded by sending David to Saul, along with a young goat, a donkey loaded with bread, and a wineskin full of wine.
21 So David went to Saul and began serving him. Saul loved David very much, and David became his armor bearer.
22 Then Saul sent word to Jesse asking, “Please let David remain in my service, for I am very pleased with him.”
23 And whenever the tormenting spirit from God troubled Saul, David would play the harp. Then Saul would feel better, and the tormenting spirit would go away.
In the days following David's historic victory over Goliath...the women of the cities of Israel were outside dancing and singing to meet King Saul. They had musical instruments and they were very joyful because their enemies, the Philistines, had been beaten.
Well the day after the women sang their songs, the evil spirit came upon Saul again. And so, as in other times, David played the harp for King Saul to comfort him. As David beautifully played the harp, but this was different...Saul was INFURIATED how it seemed David's victory was so much more important to his people than any Saul had led them to, and there just happened to be a sharp javelin in King Saul's hand. A javelin that was typically used to kill people. (for anyone reading this who doesn't know, It is like a spear) As David played, King Saul said to himself, "I will smite David to the wall with it."...and therefore, impose his will...deadly as it would be...upon Saul.
So King Saul threw the javelin at David two times, but both times, David dodged out of the way. When it got to that point, Saul was afraid of David because the LORD was with David and had left Saul. Therefore Saul used what power he had left over David, had David removed from his site, and David was made captain over a thousand men in Saul's Army....with plans made to send David into battle and hope enemies would soon smite him.
Well, David continued to behave himself very wisely in all his ways and the Lord was with him. So when Saul saw this he was again afraid of David....He was Trapped by an overwhelming fear, and could not see it was himself...Saul...who needed to ask David for forgiveness upon coming forth with that rage in the javelin throw.
Oh, how Saul probably played that javelin throw in his mind now....over and over again....But luckily, as Saul stewed in his own rage...David was loved by Saul's son, Jonathan, who warned David of his father trying to kill him. So David fled into the wilderness, became the champion of the oppressed while evading the pursuit of Saul..and eventually the people the lord led to follow David rose up to march against Saul...and both Saul and Jonathan were eventually smitten down.
Can you imagine how much David was crying out for Saul and even Jonathan...to listen to him and accept who the Lord made him to be? As the lyrics banter in the first paragraph of this blog...David must have felt everytime he took a step towards trying to "see" what Saul was so bitter about...it was looking down the spiraling of the javelin hurtling towards him...as clear as through a sheet of ice and being frozen to do anything except try and leave that conflict. How pleasing it must have been to soothe Saul with that harp at first...but how dangerous it became, once the jealousy, bitterness and rage overcame Saul's love of David.
Becoming bitter about how one cannot change things in another person's life is what I have been about for a very long time...and it's time to simply cherish the memories I've had with my David(or Davids, actually) and those sweet, soothing sounds of a Harp he once played for me, and try not to become "Trapped under Ice." I need to tell David I am past being so frustrated for how I have seen him and that I want him to stop being so afraid of any more javelins being hurtled his way. I need David to see the sincerity of how much I have appreciated his attempts at soothing me, but the way I was using that soothing is wrong, and that I so desperately want a chance at restoration of friendships and a new start in serving God together and only helping David when he asks..and trusting and knowing God is with him, instead of looking through that ice...oh so clear...and just feeling so trapped...so helpless....to trust God now, and cry out...."I'M TRAPPED UNDER ICE!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"
Woken up, I'm still locked in this shell
Frozen soul, frozen down to the core
Break the ice, I can't take anymore
Freezing
Can't move at all
Screaming
They can't hear my call
I am dying to live
I Cry out
"I'm trapped under ice!"
Crystallized, as I lay here and rest
Eyes of glass stare directly at death
From deep sleep I have broken away
No one knows, no one hears what I say
and now from 1 Sam 16:14-23....
14 Now the Spirit of the Lord had left Saul, and the Lord sent a tormenting spirit[a] that filled him with depression and fear.
15 Some of Saul’s servants said to him, “A tormenting spirit from God is troubling you. 16 Let us find a good musician to play the harp whenever the tormenting spirit troubles you. He will play soothing music, and you will soon be well again.”
17 “All right,” Saul said. “Find me someone who plays well, and bring him here.”
18 One of the servants said to Saul, “One of Jesse’s sons from Bethlehem is a talented harp player. Not only that—he is a brave warrior, a man of war, and has good judgment. He is also a fine-looking young man, and the Lord is with him.”
19 So Saul sent messengers to Jesse to say, “Send me your son David, the shepherd.” 20 Jesse responded by sending David to Saul, along with a young goat, a donkey loaded with bread, and a wineskin full of wine.
21 So David went to Saul and began serving him. Saul loved David very much, and David became his armor bearer.
22 Then Saul sent word to Jesse asking, “Please let David remain in my service, for I am very pleased with him.”
23 And whenever the tormenting spirit from God troubled Saul, David would play the harp. Then Saul would feel better, and the tormenting spirit would go away.
In the days following David's historic victory over Goliath...the women of the cities of Israel were outside dancing and singing to meet King Saul. They had musical instruments and they were very joyful because their enemies, the Philistines, had been beaten.
Well the day after the women sang their songs, the evil spirit came upon Saul again. And so, as in other times, David played the harp for King Saul to comfort him. As David beautifully played the harp, but this was different...Saul was INFURIATED how it seemed David's victory was so much more important to his people than any Saul had led them to, and there just happened to be a sharp javelin in King Saul's hand. A javelin that was typically used to kill people. (for anyone reading this who doesn't know, It is like a spear) As David played, King Saul said to himself, "I will smite David to the wall with it."...and therefore, impose his will...deadly as it would be...upon Saul.
So King Saul threw the javelin at David two times, but both times, David dodged out of the way. When it got to that point, Saul was afraid of David because the LORD was with David and had left Saul. Therefore Saul used what power he had left over David, had David removed from his site, and David was made captain over a thousand men in Saul's Army....with plans made to send David into battle and hope enemies would soon smite him.
Well, David continued to behave himself very wisely in all his ways and the Lord was with him. So when Saul saw this he was again afraid of David....He was Trapped by an overwhelming fear, and could not see it was himself...Saul...who needed to ask David for forgiveness upon coming forth with that rage in the javelin throw.
Oh, how Saul probably played that javelin throw in his mind now....over and over again....But luckily, as Saul stewed in his own rage...David was loved by Saul's son, Jonathan, who warned David of his father trying to kill him. So David fled into the wilderness, became the champion of the oppressed while evading the pursuit of Saul..and eventually the people the lord led to follow David rose up to march against Saul...and both Saul and Jonathan were eventually smitten down.
Can you imagine how much David was crying out for Saul and even Jonathan...to listen to him and accept who the Lord made him to be? As the lyrics banter in the first paragraph of this blog...David must have felt everytime he took a step towards trying to "see" what Saul was so bitter about...it was looking down the spiraling of the javelin hurtling towards him...as clear as through a sheet of ice and being frozen to do anything except try and leave that conflict. How pleasing it must have been to soothe Saul with that harp at first...but how dangerous it became, once the jealousy, bitterness and rage overcame Saul's love of David.
Becoming bitter about how one cannot change things in another person's life is what I have been about for a very long time...and it's time to simply cherish the memories I've had with my David(or Davids, actually) and those sweet, soothing sounds of a Harp he once played for me, and try not to become "Trapped under Ice." I need to tell David I am past being so frustrated for how I have seen him and that I want him to stop being so afraid of any more javelins being hurtled his way. I need David to see the sincerity of how much I have appreciated his attempts at soothing me, but the way I was using that soothing is wrong, and that I so desperately want a chance at restoration of friendships and a new start in serving God together and only helping David when he asks..and trusting and knowing God is with him, instead of looking through that ice...oh so clear...and just feeling so trapped...so helpless....to trust God now, and cry out...."I'M TRAPPED UNDER ICE!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"
