Friday, April 10, 2009
DEATH OF OLD AND RESURRECTION OF NEW THIS EASTER WEEKEND!
In the past several weeks...I have come to know a brutal and honest truth about myself. I know from my walk with christ that part of growing into an emotionally mature Christian is learning how to apply practically and effectively the truths we believe. It is one of those truths that has hit home to me recently through my church and a particular conflict that we ARE to be peacemakers...But most of the time it seems to me that the truth is that most end up being false peacemakers. A false peacemaker is simply someone who ignores conflict and seeks to appease people. I must confess that I have lived most of my life being a false peacemaker, and have allowed many to skate or run over me out of a fear of conflict and hurting the other person. I have spent most of my life appeasing people instead of actually dealing with conflict. It is my desire this holy weekend to begin implementing skills that I have been studying through Peter Scazerro's wonderful publication, "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality". Scazzero states: "True peacemakers love God, others, and themselves enough to disrupt false peace. Jesus models this for us" I certainly was reminded of this through one of my favorite stories of Jesus...as he struts into the temple to "disrupt"...tossing over tables and to better paraphrase..."kicks ass!"
Scazzero goes on to give some skills that we can learn to be true peacemakers. They are: (1) Speaking and listening - Taking the time to actually listen to what the other person is saying and also being able to speak about your own thoughts and feelings(I had a friend who shared this struggle just the other day)
(2) Checking out assumptions - Scazzero says that "every time I make an assumption about someone who has hurt or disappointed me without confirming it, I believe a lie about this person in my head". This one has been the most difficult for me surrounding the circumstances that have been presented. How many times do we assume things that are not true? I would say MOST if not ALL of the time. We need to talk about our assumptions with the other person.-and I plan to reach that 8th "step" in my recovery process at some point where I am emotionally and spiritually strong enough again to do so.
(3) Expectations - Unmet and unclear expectations create havoc in our places of employment, friendships, marriages, families and churches. We expect other people to know what we want before we say it. But as Scazzero points out "expectations are only valid when they have been mutually agreed upon"
(4) Allergies and triggers - Here Scazzero talks about emotional allergies and triggers. He says that an emotional allergy is "an intense reaction to something in the present that reminds us, consciously or unconciously, of an event from our history". I know that I have been having MANY of these and I will have to spend some time thinking though what they each have meant, and how when I get to those moments of having a "reaction"...what I am going to do. Scazzero gives a good exercise to do that, and I hope to share that soon through study.
Scazzero ends this chapter by saying "One of the greatest gifts we can give our world is to be a community of emotionally healthy adults who love well. This will take the power of God and a commitment to learn, grow, and break with unhealthy, destructive patterns that go back generations in our families and cultures . . ."
I am seeing the beginnings of this gift in my life and in my relationships and I look forward to continuing to grow into an emotionally healthy adult!...and I bid you all a very happy Easter!
Scazzero goes on to give some skills that we can learn to be true peacemakers. They are: (1) Speaking and listening - Taking the time to actually listen to what the other person is saying and also being able to speak about your own thoughts and feelings(I had a friend who shared this struggle just the other day)
(2) Checking out assumptions - Scazzero says that "every time I make an assumption about someone who has hurt or disappointed me without confirming it, I believe a lie about this person in my head". This one has been the most difficult for me surrounding the circumstances that have been presented. How many times do we assume things that are not true? I would say MOST if not ALL of the time. We need to talk about our assumptions with the other person.-and I plan to reach that 8th "step" in my recovery process at some point where I am emotionally and spiritually strong enough again to do so.
(3) Expectations - Unmet and unclear expectations create havoc in our places of employment, friendships, marriages, families and churches. We expect other people to know what we want before we say it. But as Scazzero points out "expectations are only valid when they have been mutually agreed upon"
(4) Allergies and triggers - Here Scazzero talks about emotional allergies and triggers. He says that an emotional allergy is "an intense reaction to something in the present that reminds us, consciously or unconciously, of an event from our history". I know that I have been having MANY of these and I will have to spend some time thinking though what they each have meant, and how when I get to those moments of having a "reaction"...what I am going to do. Scazzero gives a good exercise to do that, and I hope to share that soon through study.
Scazzero ends this chapter by saying "One of the greatest gifts we can give our world is to be a community of emotionally healthy adults who love well. This will take the power of God and a commitment to learn, grow, and break with unhealthy, destructive patterns that go back generations in our families and cultures . . ."
I am seeing the beginnings of this gift in my life and in my relationships and I look forward to continuing to grow into an emotionally healthy adult!...and I bid you all a very happy Easter!
